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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 95300 times)

Offline Beaux Reflets

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #330 on: November 10, 2015, 04:22:58 PM »
I remember 13, but we had jukeboxes in cafés, does that count?
Also not sure what 'Party lines on the telephone' stands for.
I do remember we had the first phone in the neighbourhood, with people actually coming to the door, asking if they could make a call.

I can remember the milkman selling milk from a large vat. It was measured out with a ladle, into pans the housewife brought to the cart. Milkman came with horse and cart. A very placid horse that knew exactly where it would get a treat; at my house. When mother wasn't quick enough with it, the horse came to the door and stuck its head in.

I must point out, I may look older than I am, but I happen to have a very good memory. My first datable memory was when I was 2 years and 3 months old.

Party lines were when land lines shared the same circuits; so if your neighbour was on the phone when you lifted the receiver to dial you knew exactly what they were saying behind your back  :2funny:

I'm still in my fifties too  ;) and remember well.

Who else blew "durge n dire" tunes on a comb with a clean piece of folded Izal paper?  :P  :2funny:
« Last Edit: November 10, 2015, 04:30:56 PM by Beaux Reflets »
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Offline Reinardina

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #331 on: November 10, 2015, 05:33:03 PM »
Thanks for the explanation of party lines. Don't think we had them in Holland.
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Offline Oldboy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #332 on: November 10, 2015, 07:24:38 PM »
Paddy says to Mick "I found this pen, is it yours?"
 
Mick replies "Don't know, give it here" - he then tries it and says "Yes it is"
 
Paddy asks "How do you know?"
 
Mick replies "That's my handwriting!".   :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
 

Offline Oldboy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #333 on: November 10, 2015, 07:26:48 PM »
3-blonds from Essex went for a walk in the country and stumbled across some tracks.
The first blond said I think they are bear tracks.
The second said no they are wolf tracks but the third blond said you are both wrong, they are dog tracks.
Next moment they were all hit by a train.  :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

Offline spinner

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #334 on: November 12, 2015, 01:11:48 AM »
Thanks for the explanation of party lines. Don't think we had them in Holland.

And each line had a different ring so you could tell which line was being called. I remember
my aunt and uncle, who lived in a pre WW I house in old Toronto had one. We lived in the
new modern suburbs so each house had a dedicated line.  ;D
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Ol' blue eyes

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Offline spinner

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #335 on: November 12, 2015, 01:18:40 AM »
I got 13. I don't remember newsreels in theatres.
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Ol' blue eyes

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Offline Oldboy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #336 on: November 12, 2015, 08:25:48 AM »
1. The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen

table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting

and crying for no reason. I thought to myself,

"She's going through the change."


2. Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has

stabbed six people in the posterior in the last 48 hours,

They believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.


3. Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday
but it went off before I could eat it!


4. A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea

break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen.

The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.

The foreman grins at the bear and says

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have

their pick nicked."


5. Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit
on the head with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.


6. 19 blonds go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?” Chardonnay replies,

"The film said 18 or over."


7. An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world,

swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain

It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
« Last Edit: November 12, 2015, 12:48:49 PM by Hinfrance »

Offline jinky

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #337 on: November 13, 2015, 11:00:14 AM »
Loved some of those Oldboy - have to be shared. ;D

Offline Beaux Reflets

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #338 on: December 07, 2015, 12:40:02 PM »
Well I chuckled  :2funny:

:beer: Andy

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The choices we make are rooted in reflection.

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Offline Alfonso_Frisk

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #339 on: December 07, 2015, 06:32:45 PM »
 :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:

Thanks for sharing
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Offline Graham

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #340 on: December 07, 2015, 08:09:35 PM »
 :2funny: :tup:
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. 

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Offline Oldboy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #341 on: December 07, 2015, 09:06:45 PM »
:2funny: :tup:

How are you Graham - haven't seen you on here for ages.  :tup:

Offline Reinardina

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #342 on: December 08, 2015, 09:47:53 AM »
Very funny! Still grinning.

Yes Graham, you've been missed.
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Offline Ken.

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #343 on: December 08, 2015, 10:20:15 AM »
Very funny!  ;D

It was so funny that I had to share on my site.  8)

Offline Alfonso_Frisk

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #344 on: December 20, 2015, 05:20:48 PM »
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and
would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and
a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a
couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he
now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady
who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to
1603 Mockingbird Lane ?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my
farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't
carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of
paint in the bucket.
Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the
goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and
proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.
We'll be there in no time..

' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a
lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we
get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my
skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of
paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold
you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket,
put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
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