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Author Topic: News From the Spooks  (Read 1070 times)

Offline ABERS

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News From the Spooks
« on: January 29, 2015, 08:18:21 AM »
Teacher Arrested At London Heathrow Airport - held in isolation.

A secondary school teacher was arrested today at London's Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board an international flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a pair of compasses, a slide-rule and a calculator.
 
At a press conference, a UK Border Control spokesman said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
 
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Spokesman said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.  They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns;" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country”.

 
When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister, 'Call Me Dave' Cameron commented, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes, and as the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle.”

The Chancellor George Osborne and the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by their beloved leader, since their days at Eton together.  ;)
 



Offline Oldboy

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Re: News From the Spooks
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2015, 09:24:18 AM »
Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle.”


Does that include the inside and outside?  :P

It's not the absolute value that's the problem but the infinities that pop out of the equations. Ask any quantum physicist. Some infinities are bigger than others which doesn't help.  :o :-*

Offline Hinfrance

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Re: News From the Spooks
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2015, 09:44:25 AM »
Here's the original joke from 2007 (I knew I'd heard it ages ago). Seems it dates from September 2007 when Mr Brown was PM.

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man , who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isos Celes used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
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The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil. H.L Mencken.

Offline ABERS

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Re: News From the Spooks
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2015, 11:09:28 AM »
How can you say it's the same joke? The bloke in the U.S.A had a set square, the bloke in the U.K. was much more deadly, he had a pair of compasses. Attacking with a set square is less likely to be successful. Perhaps the American had Masonic tendencies!

Oldboy don't ask silly questions, you'll only confuse Dave, Cameron that is.

Offline Hinfrance

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Re: News From the Spooks
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2015, 11:24:34 AM »
Oh I don't know Alan, a set square with sharpened edges - deadly throwing weapon: with a bit of a curve on it it could be a boomerang . .  :D
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The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil. H.L Mencken.

Offline Paul Montgomery

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Re: News From the Spooks
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2015, 07:18:46 PM »
Groan...
Got to pinch that.

 

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