Joke of the day

[spinner]

 The difference if you marry a canadian girl

    The first man married a woman from Cuba.
    He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.
    It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home
    to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

    The second man married a woman from Europe.
    He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning,
    dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results,
    but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw
    his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge
    dinner on the table.

    The third man married a girl from CANADA.
    He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
    lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for
    every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything,
    the second day he didn't see anything but .....




    by the third day,
    some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little
    out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he
    could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

    He still has some difficulty when he pees.

[anglefire]

Pharmacology:
All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is
Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen.



Amoxil
Is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called
Ibuprofen.



The FDA has been
Looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
Consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
Announced that it has settled on the generic name of
Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin,
Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course,
Ibepokin.


Pfizer
Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
Liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power
Beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible
For a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we
Can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning
To the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good
Old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new
Concoction by the name of: MOUNT &
DO.


Thought for the day:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
Today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,
There should be a large elderly population with perky boobs
And huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to
Do with them.

[jinky]

First day in prison and they have found George Michael face down, unconscious on the floor with a chocolate bar up his bum. A Prison spokesman said " Someone`s been careless with a wispa".

[alan1572]

The 1 armed butler, can take it but cant dish it out

[alan1572]

See Camerons wife has had a girl by caesarean, more Tory cuts

[Graham]

  A man was arrested for throwing a bottle of Domestos at the Pope during his visit to Birmingham yestrerday.
  He was charged with a bleach of the priest! 

[spinner]

A Cold Winter



It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting all the firewood they can find'

[jinky]

I see Andrew Strauss bought the England team a really expensive vintage red wine to celebrate the Ashes victory. Unforurnately it is still sat in the dressing room untouched - seems you just cannot find a decent opener anywhere in Australia 

[Skhilled]

God saw your parents hungry, he created pizza.
God saw your parents thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw your parents tired, he created cars.

...He saw your parents without any problems, he created YOU!

[alan1572]

can't work my neighbour out, at 2am he's knocking hell out of my front door and then again at 4am and 6am...lucky i was already up playing my drums

[Beryl]

"Following the insurgencies,  the authorities in Dubai have banned the airing of The Flintstones.  They considered that the people of Dubai wouldn't understand the sense of humour.  However, a spokesman said that the people of Abu Dhabi do."

[Graham]

"Following the insurgencies,  the authorities in Dubai have banned the airing of The Flintstones.  They considered that the people of Dubai wouldn't understand the sense of humour.  However, a spokesman said that the people of Abu Dhabi do."

[Oldboy]

 After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"

"In fact, I do." said the old man. "After I have sex, I am usually cold and chilly then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"  The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh, that stupid old fart'' she replied.  "That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August." 

[ABERS]

Ah! that explains it. How long is it till August?

[Beaux Reflets]

A guy walks into the fishmongers, and says to the girl, "er pound o' fillet."

And the girl behind the counter replies "a pound you don't"



I wonder what would have happened if he had said please ............                   ?