Joke of the day

[DigiDiva]

I went to the opticians the other day and guess who I bumped into?


Everyone!

Sorry (Taxi for DD)

[spikeyjen]

Little boy stands at the door and yells "MUM... MUM....."
Mum is annoyed and replies "if you want to talk to me, come here and tell me quietly"
So the little boy walks through the house and into the lounge room, up to his mum and says "Mum, I just stood in dog poo!"

[wavemachine]

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Murphy. The boss thought I'm not hiring that lazy Irishman, so he decided to set a test for Murphy, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." So Murphy says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three tree's. The boss says, "What the hell's that?" Murphy says, "Tree 'n tree n' tree makes nine." Fair enough, says the boss.

Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Murphy stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and says, " How on earth do you get that to represent 99. Murphy says, " Each tree's dirty now! so it's dirty tree, n' dirty tree n' dirty tree, dats 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire him, so he says, "Alright, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." Murphy stares into space again, then he shouts, "Got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "There ya go sir, 100."

The boss looks at Murphy's attempt and thinks 'Ha! got him this time.' Go on Murphy, you must be mad if you think that represents a hundred."

Murphy leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now you've got, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, an' dirty tree an' a turd, which makes one hundred, when do I start me job?

[Oldboy]

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Murphy. The boss thought I'm not hiring that lazy Irishman, so he decided to set a test for Murphy, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." So Murphy says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three tree's. The boss says, "What the hell's that?" Murphy says, "Tree 'n tree n' tree makes nine." Fair enough, says the boss.

Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Murphy stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and says, " How on earth do you get that to represent 99. Murphy says, " Each tree's dirty now! so it's dirty tree, n' dirty tree n' dirty tree, dats 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire him, so he says, "Alright, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." Murphy stares into space again, then he shouts, "Got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "There ya go sir, 100."

The boss looks at Murphy's attempt and thinks 'Ha! got him this time.' Go on Murphy, you must be mad if you think that represents a hundred."

Murphy leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now you've got, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, an' dirty tree an' a turd, which makes one hundred, when do I start me job?

[spikeyjen]

I haven't stopped laughing at this one, from an email sent by hubby. We had a big story here about a man taken by a crocodile in Northern Territory (he went swimming while at a 30th birthday party, in the most croc infested river in Australia) its in poor taste (sorry about that...)


In Herald Sun, man taken by croc near Darwin has been described by friends as "sensible and cautious"!

[Oldboy]

I haven't stopped laughing at this one, from an email sent by hubby. We had a big story here about a man taken by a crocodile in Northern Territory (he went swimming while at a 30th birthday party, in the most croc infested river in Australia) its in poor taste (sorry about that...)


In Herald Sun, man taken by croc near Darwin has been described by friends as "sensible and cautious"!

Does that mean he's out to lunch? 

[spikeyjen]

 

[wavemachine]

A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald's next to Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives on the same street and they might see her.

Ten years later, the group of now 25 year old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the beer was cheap, the bar had free snacks, the house band was good, there was no cover charge and there were lot of cute girls.

Ten years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was decided they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the booze was good, it was near their gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

Ten years later, at 45, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the martinis were big and the waitresses wore tight pants.

Ten years later, now 55, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the prices were reasonable, they have a nice wine list and fish is good for your cholesterol.

Ten years later, at 65 years of age, the once again group discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the lighting was good and they have an early bird special.

Ten years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped accessible.

Ten years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because they had never been there before.

[Reinardina]

 

You have been AWOL for quite some time! You're not 85 yet surely?

[Oldboy]

You have been AWOL for quite some time! You're not 85 yet surely?

Going on the last line, I don't think he could answer that! 

[spikeyjen]

I would have thought they might have gone back to McDonalds, as no 85 year old can afford to go to Captain Jacks any more!!

[wavemachine]

You have been AWOL for quite some time! You're not 85 yet surely?

Not quite, yeah sorry I haven't been around much but been very busy and done very little photography of late.

Actually that's a lie I was at MacDonalds waiting for my friends but they were all waiting for me at Captain what ever is name is

[Oldboy]

You have been AWOL for quite some time! You're not 85 yet surely?

Not quite, yeah sorry I haven't been around much but been very busy and done very little photography of late.

Actually that's a lie I was at MacDonalds waiting for my friends but they were all waiting for me at Captain what ever is name is

He could have become an Admiral by now. 

[Graham]

  If David Cameron, George Osborne and Ian Duncan Smith were all drowning and you could only save one of them.
  Which pub would you go to?

[Beaux Reflets]

  If David Cameron, George Osborne and Ian Duncan Smith were all drowning and you could only save one of them.
  Which pub would you go to?

Are they all drinking in the same pub then ?